


Your Head is Running Wild Again

by Undertheblu



Category: Bruce Banner - Fandom, Hulk - Fandom, Iron Man - Fandom, Marvel, The Avengers, Tony Stark - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Language, M/M, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Possible Iron Man 3 Spoilers, Psychological Drama, Seriously Guys it’s angsty, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-09
Updated: 2013-05-09
Packaged: 2017-12-10 20:51:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/790032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Undertheblu/pseuds/Undertheblu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bruce has to sit by and watch Tony fall apart as he battles his demons.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Your Head is Running Wild Again

**Author's Note:**

> Just as a heads up, we’re pretending Pepper died with this fic, thanks for your cooperation.

_Right from the start_

_You were a thief you stole my heart_

_And I your willing victim_

_I let you see the parts of me_

_That weren't all that pretty_

_And with every touch you fixed them_

 

Bruce was shocked to find Tony in the bed already and actually asleep. Insomnia wasn't even the correct word for what Tony had been going through. The corners of Bruce's lips curled up into a small smile, pleased that the other man was able to find a small moment of peace. He slid out of his clothes and into a pair of loose fitting sweat pants, he wasn't even sure if they were his or Tony's, and then he slipped into the luscious crimson sheets, he looked down at Tony's exhausted body, every hour of the day he worked to keep himself busy, never letting his hands be still.

Bruce wished that he could give him the comfort he needed, but he just didn't seem to be enough to calm Tony's frenzied mind. There were parts in the day where Bruce felt completely useless to Tony, not able to fix what was hurting. Helpless to how much his love was hurting. Tony had been helping him so much, teaching Bruce how to control himself, control the other guy. How to work with him instead of against him. It continued to amaze Bruce how little Tony was feared the other guy, because of course on some level, Tony must be afraid, he'd be an idiot not to be. But...it was Tony after all.

Bruce picked up his book from the bedside table and flipped it open to where he'd left off last night. Between paragraphs, he'd looked over his glasses at Tony's bare shoulders, his dark tank top lit up with the arc reactor. He loved this man so much, loved ever single aggravating particle of his being. Bruce frowned, he could feel the difference in Tony before he saw it. His slow drawn out breath had turned into a desperate choking sound. His movements begin with tiny twitches and then change into full body thrashing.

“Tony?Tony...”

 

**Falling. Darkness. He's falling through space, falling through endless, empty space. Can't breathe, no oxygen. Tony gasps, desperate for life. Endless space. No, not space. And then he slams into the water, hits it so hard he feels ever bone in his body break. The suit starts filling with water as he sees burning buildings falling down on top of him, rushing through the water like an avalanche. Tony panics and gasps, water filling his mouth, filling his lungs. He chokes and cries out in terror, water thrusting it's way into his throat. “Jarvis!” But there is no Jarvis, the light has gone out and Tony is left all alone, trapped inside the metal suit. No one will be saving him this time.**

 

 

“Tony!” Bruce shakes the other, desperate to save him from whatever danger he was facing.

Tony's whole body flew forward as he woke, crying out. The terror in Tony's face made Bruce feel like he'd been punched in the gut. And then he heard it, the suit next to his head. The hair on his neck prickled up as he felt his anger rising, mixing with his fear for Tony.

“Jarvis, stand down.” Bruce called out the command as Tony scrambled off of the bed and out of sight, “Tony.” Bruce called after him, frantically crawling across the bed to jump off.

Tony was shaking, eyes wide, breathing so hard. It broke Bruce's heart to see him so disheveled, he knelt down slowly, trying not to startle Tony any more than he already was, “Tony..”

Tony's hands balled into fists and he slammed them down against the hardwood floor, “It was so dark!”

Bruce frowned, knowing exactly what the dream was about, he slowly reached out his hand to touch Tony's shoulder, “I'm here with you, Tony. You're not alone.”

He wrapped his own arms around Tony protectively, cradling his head with one arm to bring him close to his chest. Tony's breath was still fast, his heart racing with the constant panic. Bruce held him as tightly as he dared let himself, always so afraid of hurting his precious baggage. Hating that the one place that he couldn't protect his loved one was inside his self-destructive head.

  

_You've been having real bad dreams_

_Uh oh_

  _You used to lie so close to me_

_There's nothing more than empty sheets_

_Between our love_

Bruce found Tony working on an empty floor of the tower, tinkering with metal, keeping his hands busy.

“Are you hiding from me?” Bruce asked, leaning in the doorway, cradling a hot mug in between his hands.

Tony stopped moving for a brief moment, turning his head, “There's always work to be done. We both know **I'm** not going to sleep so why waste the time, right? So I thought-”

Bruce rolled his eyes and walked forward as Tony rambled on, lips flapping, trying to avoid the subject Bruce wanted to address. Bruce set his mug of tea down on the floor before walking over, touching Tony's hair, pressing his head against his own leg.

Stroking Tony's dark hair he whispered, “Don't shut me out.”

Tony closed his eyes, turning his head to nuzzle his face against Bruce's knees. He set down his tools and pulled himself onto his knees, turning towards Bruce and hugging his arms around Bruce's legs, resting his forehead against Bruce's thighs.

“I know....I know, I'm sorry.” He kissed Bruce's kneecaps, “I just can't sleep right now.”

“You know, there are techniques that are proven to-”

“No,” Tony answered flatly, pressing his head back to Bruce's legs, hugging as tightly as he could. Trying to press himself into Bruce, trying to be part of his being, because _there_ he could be safe, “I just _can't_ sleep right now.”

Bruce sighed, running his fingers through the other man's hair, “You need to sleep sometime.”

“See, I disagree.” Tony answered, popping his head up, “I think that with the right amoun-”

“Tony,” Bruce sighed heavily, pulling on Tony's shoulders to make him stand,“Please just come to bed with me.” Bruce slid his arms around Tony's waist, inching him closer, “ **I** need you.”

Tony nodded, letting Bruce lead him out toward the elevator. Dreading going up to their bed, afraid that he couldn't give Bruce what he needed.

 

_Now you've been talking in your sleep_

_Uh oh_

_Things you never say to me_

_Uh oh_

_Tell me that you've had enough_

_Of our love_

 

Bruce took Tony's hands in his and lead him toward their bed, “We don't even need to go to sleep if you don't want to. Let's just be here together.”

There had been a constant worry on Tony's face ever since the incident with extremis, ever since Pepper's death. Worry had become the default facial expression for Tony. Bruce led Tony to sit on the bed, taking his chin in hand and closing the gap between them. Tony welcomed the contact, reacting to the kiss with feverish hands, grabbing at any part of Bruce he could locate. Tony's movements were frantic, desperate to get as close as possible to the other, needing to feel safe.

Bruce pulled away from Tony's lips so he could hold his face and look him in the eye, “I love you. And I'm not going to let you do all this on your own.”

Tony closed his eyes and leaned forward to rest his forehead against Bruce's, “Bruce, please.” He sighed, “I just..”

“I know,” Bruce nodded, taking Tony's lips back with his own, pulling at the end of Tony's dark shirt. Once the cloth was removed the arc reactor splashed a blue light over Bruce's face, he leaned forward, kissing Tony's bare shoulder before dipping down to ghost his lips over the metal. Tony closed his eyes and let his head roll back, letting himself enjoy Bruce's lips on his skin. He laced his fingers through Bruce's dark hair, massaging his scalp through the curls. Even now, in this perfect moment, Tony couldn't silence the darkness in his mind. He so badly wanted to be strong for Bruce, what use was he if he cracked up every time someone mentioned New York or..

Bruce gently pushed him into a horizontal position on the bed, taking the moment to remove his own shirt before leaning down press himself against the other. Tony hummed at the contact, closing his eyes as Bruce kissed his neck. Tony slipped his hands down Bruce's back to rest on his hips, gently squeezing and pulling him closer so their groins would grind against one another. Tony's silence bothered Bruce, he had always been so hard to shut up, especially in instances like this, when Tony got excited about something he just couldn't hold his tongue. But now...the only sounds from him were hums and sighs.

“Are you alright?” Bruce asked, propping himself on his elbows over Tony.

“I'm fine, Big guy.” Tony's fake smile didn't fool Bruce but Tony pushed himself up to nip at Bruce's lips, grabbing a fist full of his dark hair and pulling him back down on top of him. Tony pawed at the buttons on Bruce's pants, trying to hurry the process along. Jarvis slowly dimmed the lights, a command that had be preprogrammed into the smart computer's memory, till the room was almost completely black. Bruce felt Tony stiffen under him, he sat up on his haunches, looking for a sign in Tony's face that he needed to stop. Tony's expression changed to one of determination as he sat up under Bruce so he could kiss his stomach. Bruce flinched at the quick motion, Tony's tongue dragging down his skin, his hands pulling at the khaki pants.

Again he wanted to ask if Tony was alright but the words were stifled in his throat when Tony suddenly had his pants down far enough so he could bob his head down and take Bruce's cock fully into his willing mouth. Bruce gasped at the suddenness of the change, forcing himself not to buck against Tony, afraid of choking him, considering how much he had taken into his mouth.

“Tony,” He breathed, closing his eyes while Tony sucked him. Tony always knew exactly what to do to set him going, knew exactly where to lick, how to tease until he couldn't take it. Everyone knew that Tony was a genius, in many different fields, but Bruce knew this was Tony's true talent. Bruce pulled away before Tony pushed him over the edge, tonight it was like Tony was actively trying to make him come early.

“Hey, hey. Slow down, I don't want to come _yet_.” Bruce smiled, sliding back between Tony's outspread legs. He didn't have to even work at the drawstring on Tony's sweat pants, they slid off easily and a less fuzzy part of Bruce's mind wondered if he was losing weight. As usual Tony wore nothing under the sweat pants, but what Bruce didn't expect to see was that Tony wasn't even close to being hard. He frowned and looked questioningly down at Tony, “Uh..do you not want to..?”

This had literally **never** happened before. Tony was **always** ready to go for Bruce, even when it wasn't convenient he was! Tony sighed and covered his eyes with his elbow, “I'm sorry.”

Bruce leaned back on his heels, looking concerned, “If you didn't want to-”

“Bruce.” Tony whined, rolling onto his side he realized it was still dark in the room, “Jarvis, lights on.”

He pulled his sweatpants back over his hips and pulled his legs out from under Bruce and slid off of the bed to pad over to the bathroom and turn on the light in there as well.

“Tony.”

“You're right, I'm just not sleeping enough,” Tony began chattering as he crossed the room to turn on the light in the large closet, “Jarvis, I said lights _on_.”

“All of the lights, sir?” The computer asked.

“Tony,” Bruce repeated, frowning.

“That's right,” Tony sang, walking over to one of the screens in the room and with the flick of a wrist starting it up on something, “You know what, Babe, from now on I'm going to listen when you tell me to do things. When you say it's bedtime, it's bedtime. And w-”

“Tony!” Bruce yelled, hands clenched in fists, “Stop it! Just stop it.”

Tony looked over his shoulder as Bruce stood, sliding back into his boxers as he strode over and grabbed Tony's face in his hands,“Talk to me, _please_. Please, Tony. Let me help you.”

“You're not that kind of doctor,” Tony said jokingly, pulling his face away, “I don't think you should be making claims without a degree in the field.”

“Tony,” Bruce sighed, shaking his head, “I can't do this. I can't just sit by and watch you fall apart. I feel helpless because you keep me so far away. It's not like I don't know what's-”

“You don't know.” Tony interrupted, voice calm and flat.

“Tony,” Bruce tried to take Tony's hand in his but Tony slapped it away.

“ **You** do not know, Bruce, because you weren't the one who couldn't save her. **I** was the one who let her die, because I'm nothing without the suit. I'm worthless without it, I'm just like everyone else.”  
“No you're not-”

“And now I'm even more worthless because I'm afraid to get in the suit,” Tony growled, “So what good am I to anyone?”

“Tony, you saved everyone in New York, you sacrificed yourself-”  
“Fucking New York. Why is everyone so enthralled with New York.” Tony snapped, tuning on his heels and stalking to the bathroom. Feeling the pain in his chest creep up on him.

“It's alright to be afraid and it's going to be okay if you get upset. You died, anyone-”

“Annd you keep going,” Tony chuckles exasperatedly as he paces through the large bathroom, “Could you stop talking about it.”

“We've been avoiding it,” Bruce answered, leaning against the door frame, watching Tony walk around, refusing to be still, “Tony, I want to help you.”

“Well--I don't think-- you can, Bruce.” Tony labored to speak as he had tried to breathe properly. He leaned against the cool marble wall, letting his head fall back, panting for air. When he looked over to Bruce, he saw the green glimmer in his eyes on his angry face. Tony's own eyes widened in a sudden panic, he felt himself backing up as he gasped for oxygen, “Bruce..”

Bruce blinks and the green is gone, concern floods his face when he see's Tony backing away, actual fear hidden in his face. Bruce sucks in air and then rushes forward to embrace Tony, realizing too late that might have scared him.

“Tony, Tony I'm sorry.” He coos, wrapping his arms around the other protectively, “I wasn't, I wouldn't. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you.”

“You..didn't,” Tony answered trying to sound completely calm, “Know when it scares me? When you're pounding into me, your dick's big enough, I can't even imag-”

Bruce smacked the back of Tony's head as he cradled him close, “Shut up. Ugh, I'm really sorry. It won't happen again. I wasn't angry with you..”

Tony nodded, sliding his hands to Bruce's hips, allowing his head to rest on Bruce's shoulder, “Do you want to go to sleep?”

Bruce turned his head to try and see Tony's face, “Is that what you want?”

Tony nodded again and took Bruce's hand in his to lead him back into their bedroom. They slid into the crimson sheets, Tony slid under Bruce's arm to rest his head on his chest, to let Bruce know he felt safe with him still. Bruce didn't comment when Tony made sure to leave the lights on, he was beginning to see the problems come to life for Tony. Minutes passed by in silence and as Tony felt Bruce's breathing slow to that of a calm sleep, he thought about ways he could keep himself from falling asleep.

 

_Just give me a reason_

  _Just a little bit's enough_

_Just a second we're not broken just bent_

  _And we can learn to love again_

In the morning Bruce awoke to find the bed empty, it wasn't a huge shock, but Bruce had held onto a small sliver of hope that Tony would be there sleeping soundly. Jarvis located Tony for him, arranging plans for the other floors of the building. Tony smiled when he saw Bruce, it was a genuine smile, but he also looked very tired.

“Did you sleep at all last night?” Bruce asked, striding over as Tony motioned for him to come near.

“Yeah, I'm setting up an area for Peter, you think that'd be a good idea? I think it'd be a good idea, the kid's here all the time anyway, why not make him a place of his own,” He rambled, trying to distract Bruce as he pulled him into his lap, wrapping his arms around Bruce's torso, Tony resting his chin on his shoulder, “I don't know about giving him his own lab, but he does manage to clutter up mine every time he's here. So maybe, what do you think? Does the brat deserve a laboratory of his own? I was also thinking that-”

Tony's words were cut off when Bruce turned on his lap to kiss him quiet. Tony smiled against Bruce's lips, “Am I talking too much for you?”

Bruce nodded, “A little, I think Peter would really enjoy a space of his own.”

Tony nuzzled against Bruce's chin, “I will **not** be in charge of him keeping it clean. You can be in charge of all that mothering.”

Bruce laughed, sliding his hands around Tony's neck to lean against his chest. He looked down upon him, hating and being extremely grateful that Tony was ignoring what happened last night. Tony returned his gaze with a smile, “That alright with you, Babe? I figured since you're the big bad monster anyway you might as well be the Mom figure as well.”

Bruce chuckled and kissed Tony's forehead, “You're already slacking as a parent and he's not even here yet.”

“You knew what you were getting into,” Tony feigned dramatics, turning his head away in a huff the way women did when they were pretending to be pissed.

  

 

_Im sorry I don't understand where all of this is coming from_

_I thought that we were fine_

_Your head is running wild again_

_My dear we still have everything_

_And its all in your mind_

  

Bruce jumped up, woken by the sound of something breaking, “Tony?!” He called out, grabbing his glasses from the table beside the bed. He pulled off the crimson sheets to drop to the floor, padding out to the balcony. Tony's phone lay on the ground, smashed beyond repair. The glass door was also graced with some damage, Bruce assumed the collision of the two objects is what had woken him. Tony was leaning over the rail, staring out at the city. Bruce frowned, wrapping his arms around his own body at the sudden chill of the wind. Tony had been alright this past week, or hiding it really well. He'd been sleeping next to Bruce till morning, eating like a normal person. Bruce thought things had been slowly improving.

“She'd left me a message on that phone. I hadn't listened to it.” Tony said flatly, not looking back towards Bruce, “She wanted me to get rid of everything. She once said I cared more about being equal with you than her, and that's why I wouldn't get rid of the suits.”

Bruce hugged his arms tighter, wanting to wrap his arms around the other man so badly, but he couldn't while he talked about Pepper, “Tony.”

“Ironically, if I'd had the suit, I could have saved her. Doesn't that just...” He turned around, still not looking at Bruce, his bare chest slick with sweat, “All I do is put people I love in danger and then I can't even-”

“Tony.”

Tony's eyes snapped up to meet Bruce's sad gaze, “She was depending on me, Bruce. I told her to let go, I told her I'd catch her. I let her die.”

“Do you really think that?” Bruce asked, eyes full of concern. Tony looked so tired, so exhausted and so lost. Tony Stark, the wonder child, was falling apart right in front of him.

“What good am I, Bruce?” Tony asked, turning back to look out over the city, making Bruce nervous, “I'm no good without the suit and I'm too afraid to get back in the suit. What does that make me?”

“Tony, it makes you human.” Bruce strode over, touching Tony's hand, afraid of the thoughts he was thinking.

Tony nodded, looking over at Bruce, “Just like everyone else. Like a civilian. I shouldn't have any part in this. I'm just a liability.”

“No, Tony.” Bruce shook his head, “There's so much more to you. You put yourself at risk without even thinking if it will save someone, that's called a hero. You're a hero, Tony. Pepper wouldn't want you to forget all the other people who depend on you.”

Tony met Bruce's gaze, swallowing hard before he said, “What if I can't live up to it? What if I can't be Iron Man anymore?”

The cool wind whipped at their faces in the dark night, reminding them where they were and why, “I'm still going to love you. I love Tony Stark, not the suits. Everyone loves Tony Stark, the human being.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> The song lyrics I used are from Pink’s" Just Give Me A Reason”


End file.
